ASD rears it's ugly head

I know this is my second post today, but just want to chronicle these things, so I can look back to see if things with the boys are improving or regressing. Over the last few months, Zane is struggling with maintaining control of his emotions. I know for kids with Aspergers - especially young children who are learning how to control themselves, and aren't fully aware of their diagnosis/challenges- that controlling "self" is very difficult.


In fact, next year, my job will be to work with some Autistic children that have such a hard time controlling their emotions that they will come to me for debrief, social skills classes, and coaching. It's so much more difficult to be the parent, and watch your child "lose it". Sometimes we respond with anger or frustration at how "inappropriate" his tantrum is. Meaning... he will lose it over something so small that we just don't "get" why he's so upset, and it's almost ridiculous to us.


The teacher and behaviorist in me knows that it's normal for his diagnosis and I know "how" to help him through them, but watching him get so upset - almost to the point of throwing things, and trying to maintain MY sanity and rational in the midst of screaming, writhing, hitting, and throwing things is difficult. 


I will speak to his psychiatrist about the increased frequency of aggression and tantrums next time we visit, but for now both Jon and I are doing our best to give him "cool down" time, teach him to count, take deep breaths, problem-solve, and then debrief afterward. It's important to sit down with him afterward and say, "What COULD we have done to handle being frustrated over someone being in your way, or How could we have responded to the your sister sitting in what you thought was "your" seat?"


He's on Abilify and it IS a mood stabilizer. It may be time to adjust his dosage for weight gain, however, we don't want to rely too heavily on medication. If tweaking his dosage and teaching him strategies together will help him work through his "melt-downs" then we're all for it. However, I'm trained enough to know that he must be taught behavioral strategies for problem-solving and have consequences for going too far - like hitting, or being rude to others.


I know he will eventually get ticked off enough in school, to where he doesn't care about the "social" impact it will have with his friends. This shows me we need to get Special Education intervention for him this year, and he needs social skills classes as soon as we can get them. Having a mom as a "redirection/social skills teacher" will help, but he'll listen more to others than he will to me. 


Please, pray for our son. Getting frustrated is part of life, but with an autistic child, if NOT corrected early, can lead to children that need great intervention with aggression and violence. I do NOT want to see Zane require a redirection program in middle school, and I do not want to worry about him physically striking one of his family members, so we have to GET ON this intervention quickly, and implement CONSISTENTLY. 


For those unfamiliar with Autism Spectrum Disorders, especially family members, I encourage you to please read up on it. Watch movies, and familiarize yourself so that if when you finally experience this part of our son's personality, that you will know how to respond. Getting angry back, insisting he be "respectful" IN THE MOMENT of upset, punishing, or giving consequences IN THE MOMENT - is NOT effective and will not work with him. You must give him time to calm down, stay calm even if he doesn't, talk very little, give him space and time to comply. 


It helps to remember that when we are in a heated debate with our spouse, we ARE NOT rationale and any suggestions that the offended party makes to us are not "heard or acknowledged" in the moment of anger. A child with Autism - in fact ANY child, struggles with responding in an acceptable manner when frustrated, but some children will cease their crying when you threaten time-out or to take something away. This will not work for a child with ASD. It will only further upset him. You have to help him OUT OF THE TORNADO, and then try to rationalize when he's calm and able to listen. 


We are averaging about 3-4 major tantrums a day, sometimes only minutes apart. Our main goal right now is stopping it BEFORE it gets too out of hand, so he does not hit a sibling, or destroy property. It's impossible at this point to eliminate them, because we have no idea of what will set him off. 


We love our son, and would appreciate your prayers. It will be a constant struggle to teach him how to adapt to the world around him, but there's nothing we won't do for him! 


Our love and thanks,


Dawn and Jon